Red Flags & Warning Signs: I Should Have Seen It Coming

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about divorce—especially from my own experience—it’s that it doesn’t “just happen.” Sure, some people might be blindsided by it, but let’s be real: one or both people usually check out long before the final straw snaps.

Looking back, the red flags in my relationship were waving like they were trying to signal a rescue helicopter. I just chose to ignore them.

The First Red Flag: The Vanishing Act

Ah, young love. That thrilling, butterflies-in-your-stomach, can't-wait-to-see-you kind of obsession. We had only been dating for five days, and I was already head over heels. I spent my workday as a bank teller, barely focusing on counting money because my mind was stuck on our dinner-and-a-movie plans. He worked at a car repair shop, and in my romantic little world, I imagined him thinking of me too.

Spoiler alert: He wasn’t.

That Friday night, I rushed home, showered, picked out my cutest outfit, and called him to confirm plans. No answer.

No big deal, right? He probably just got off late.

Call #2. Nothing.

An hour passed. Now I was getting a little anxious.

Call #3. Straight to voicemail.

At this point, I was full-on spiraling. We had a 7:00 PM movie, and it was creeping past 7:00 with no word from him. So, in true rom-com-but-make-it-sad fashion, I drove to his house. He wasn’t there.

I waited. I called again. And again. And then, after reality started sinking in, I cried myself to sleep. Because guess what? I’d been stood up.

The Next Morning: The Classic Excuse

Bright and early the next day, my phone rang. It was him.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice dripping with remorse. “I took a friend home from work, had a few drinks, drank too much, tried to sober up, and… I fell asleep.”

I should have seen through the nonsense. I should have walked away. Instead, I did what so many of us do when we’re blinded by new love: I forgave him.

And we spent the whole day together like nothing had ever happened.

Red Flag #2: The Disappearing Game—Round Two

Fast forward a month. We had already moved in together (yes, a month—don’t judge), and I convinced myself that that incident was a one-time mistake.

Narrator: It was not.

He had switched jobs and was working at a local equipment company. They held a raffle for Atlanta Hawks tickets, and he bought in. I didn’t think much of it—until, of course, the day of the game.

It was another Friday night. We had plans. I was home, waiting for him to get off work.

And then?

His phone went off.

No text. No call. Just radio silence.

Turns out, he won the tickets. And instead of calling me, inviting me, or even letting me know, he just went to the game.

I sat at home, waiting. Again.

When he finally stumbled in later that night, I braced myself for some grand explanation. Nope. Just another half-hearted, "Sorry, babe."

At this point, I should have been waving a giant 🚩🚩🚩 over my head. But I didn’t. I let it slide.

The Truth About Red Flags

The problem with red flags isn’t that we don’t see them—it’s that we ignore them. We convince ourselves that this time is different. That they didn’t mean to hurt us. That they’ll change.

But they don’t.

That night at the movie theater? That Hawks game? Those weren’t random moments of selfishness. They were patterns. Patterns that played out again and again throughout our entire relationship.

So, if you’re in a situation where someone keeps disrespecting your time, your feelings, or your worth, listen to me: It won’t magically get better. Love should make you feel secure, valued, and respected—not like you’re constantly questioning your own importance.

I learned that lesson the hard way which is why I am newly divorced after 50. But you don’t have to. 💛