I’m not going to lie—when I was younger, I swore I’d never have kids. I had my fair share of babysitting horror stories, and honestly, they were great birth control. I just didn’t see myself as a mom. Maybe deep down, I thought it wouldn’t even be an option for me.
But life has a funny way of surprising you.
I was 22 when I found out I was pregnant with Allison. Looking back, I truly believe she came into my life exactly when she was meant to—because God knew we would all need her when my daddy got sick. I don’t know if I could have gotten through that time without her. I don’t know if any of us could have.
She was just six months old when everything changed.
The day after Christmas, my dad went to the hospital. He’d been hurting for a while, but he refused to go before the holiday. “I don’t want to ruin Christmas,” he had said. We thought it might be a heart attack. It wasn’t.
Cancer.
At first, they told us it might be tuberculosis. We had to wear masks, waiting for more tests. Then, they found it—the cancer in his lungs was so advanced it had eaten a hole straight through. The doctors told us he wouldn’t be coming home. That we should say our goodbyes.
But we prayed. Everyone prayed.
Then, a miracle.
They ran scans again, and the cancer had disappeared. It was gone.
God gave us more time.
My dad went through chemo and radiation, and for a while, we believed he had beaten it. Allison became his little sidekick, crawling into “Pop Pop’s” lap while he read to her. She had no idea what was happening, but her presence gave him joy. Gave all of us joy.
But cancer is cruel.
A year and a half later, it came back with a vengeance. This time, there was no stopping it.
My dad passed away in April of 1995. Just days before, I had taken Allison to get Easter pictures. They were beautiful. I prayed he would get to see them.
They arrived in the mail the day we buried him.
Heartbreak.
But that little girl? She kept me going. Her smile, her innocence—I had to keep moving forward for her.
The Babies Who Made Me
Before my son Graham was born, I had a miscarriage. Another heartbreak.
But then, Graham came into the world, full of life and energy. He loved Jar Jar Binks, Mighty Joe Young, and Teletubbies. He played with Hot Wheels and was always on the move. Then, at just six months old, he got RSV.
I had faith. But we almost lost him.
Heartbreak. I like to think my dad was up there telling God, no throw him back....not yet.
And then, Julianna. My light. She had the sweetest smile, a giggle that could melt any bad day away. She and Graham were inseparable. She loved The Wiggles and Barbies, had the curliest little ringlets, and always stole my Big Macs.
When we called home to announce her birth, Graham tried to say "Julianna," but what came out was "Noonienana." And just like that, her nickname was born.
After Julianna, my ex was supposed to get a vasectomy. I even made the appointment.
He didn’t show.
Two years and two months later, Maggie was born.
Maggie, Stubborn. Headstrong. Loved spaghetti and ice cream for breakfast. Boo Bah and also the Wiggles. A personality all of her own. Definitely the "youngest child syndrome"
Finally, our family was complete.
Surviving Motherhood and Heartbreak
I won’t sugarcoat it—parenting was hard. And I did most of it alone.
While I was raising our kids, he was out drinking, partying, cheating. I remember those nights. Him gone. Me and the kids piled on the couch, watching Disney movies, eating cookies, brownies, and popcorn. Some nights, we’d stay at Nana’s so we wouldn’t have to be alone.
Nana was always there. My ex’s mom? Not so much. She chose not to be part of their lives. I never understood why.
But you know what?
They didn’t miss her.
Through every struggle, through every moment I felt like I was drowning, my kids were my constant.
There were hard times. Parenting is hard.
But now, looking at the people they’ve become—strong, kind, resilient—I know that if I do nothing else in this life, I’ve done this one thing right.
They are my greatest accomplishment.
A Word of Advice
Be careful who you choose as your partner. That person will also be the father or mother of your children.
There’s a lot of heartbreak in my story. But in spite of it all, my kids turned out amazing.
And that is healing.
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