It's OK To Be Alone

 

When I was in high school, I had a two-year relationship. We were so in love—at least, we thought we were. He was a year younger than me, and we were convinced we’d graduate, get married, and live happily ever after. Life had other plans.

We’re still friends. He’s married now with two kids, and we’ve joked over the years that maybe it should have been us. But honestly? I have no regrets. He went into the Navy, built a successful career, owns a home, has a boat, and takes care of his family. He made something of himself.

And then there was my ex-husband. The red flags were waving from the beginning. He was selfish and irresponsible in ways that should have made me run. I remember once my mom lent me $10, giving me a $20 and asking for the change back. I left the $10 on the counter, planning to bring it to her when we went over later. But when I went to grab it—it was gone. I searched everywhere, confused, until he told me to “just forget about it.” Turns out, he took it.

That was just the beginning. Over the years, he pawned things constantly—sometimes even my things. A small radio my mom gave me? Gone. Childhood rings I actually wore? Gone. The class ring my dad took me to pick out, something that meant the world to me? Gone. Even a tennis bracelet he had given me.

I should have left.

But I stayed. Because I was afraid of being alone.

When his daughter from a previous relationship was little, we had her every other weekend. But remember when I said he was an alcoholic? That meant I took care of her while he slept off his drinking. When I was pregnant with Maggie, I finally put my foot down. We are not getting her unless YOU take care of her. At least help me. I refused to do it alone anymore.

His response? He signed away his parental rights. We never saw her again.

Looking back, I can see all the ways I was taken advantage of. All the ways I was unhappy. But I was terrified of being alone. Terrified of raising the kids by myself.

It’s okay to be alone.

Since he left, I’ve learned some things:

• Being alone gives you time to connect with your own thoughts and feelings. To figure out who you really are—what you want, what you value.

• It gives you the freedom to do what you enjoy, without needing permission or worrying about someone else’s expectations.

• Alone time can be peaceful. It’s a chance to recharge, de-stress, and just be without carrying the weight of someone else’s problems.

• Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely. It means choosing your own company and enjoying it instead of feeling trapped or unwanted.

I’ve learned that I like my solitude. And I will never again be in a relationship that makes me feel alone. Never.

Whether you’re celebrating a birthday solo or curling up in bed with snacks and a movie, never regret being alone. You don’t need another person to validate you.

Don’t get me wrong—I do get lonely. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll die alone, and yeah, that thought makes me sad.

I don’t know what the future holds. But for now, I’m enjoying the quiet. No one belittling me. No one criticizing me.

Someone asked me recently if I ever feel lonely enough to wonder what my ex is doing.

The answer? No.

I did plenty of wondering when he was still here.

Now, I just focus on me. And it’s the most peaceful feeling in the world.