Lessons in Love and Loss: Why I’d Rather Struggle Alone Than Settle for Less

 

Before I met my ex, my credit was flawless. I was working two jobs, taking care of myself and my daughter, and making sure she had everything she needed—and then some. She was my world. All the free time I had, we spent together—shopping, going to the park, swimming, and making memories.

I was also really proud of the life I was building. Right after she was born, I bought a brand-new Mercury Tracer. Paid for it all on my own. Never missed a payment. That car was a symbol of my independence.

Then I met him.

When we started dating, he had a brand-new truck… which he wrecked. Didn’t make a single payment on it. After three months, the finance company came and took it back. And somehow, despite all that, he convinced me to trade in my Tracer and go in with him on a BMW 325i. It was a year old, and the payments were more than double what I had been paying. I only had a year left on my Tracer, but suddenly, I was locked into a six-year loan for a car I couldn’t really afford.

Deep down, I think I knew I’d end up paying for it on my own. And sure enough, that’s exactly what happened. I was working full-time, while he could barely keep a job. Fired from one place after another. And what little money he did have? It went straight to alcohol.

I held everything together for as long as I could, but after about six months, we fell behind. I couldn’t keep up. I remember sobbing when we lost the BMW—not just because we lost the car, but because I felt like I had lost everything I had worked so hard for. Four years of responsible payments on the Tracer—gone, just like that.

For a while, we didn’t even have a car. We relied on my mom to get us places. Eventually, he got a cheap truck from a buy-here-pay-here lot. Meanwhile, my perfect credit? Destroyed.

Ladies, let me tell you something: It is so much easier for an unreliable man to drag you down than for you to lift him up. If he isn’t pulling his weight, let him go. If he isn’t working hard to take care of you, walk away. A man who truly loves you will do his part. He won’t sit back and watch you struggle alone.

After 20 years, he finally started stepping up. Maybe that’s why I stayed as long as I did—because I knew being on my own would be hard.

And it has been.

But you know what? I said it before, but it needs repeating. I’d rather struggle alone than be with someone who never appreciated me.

I recently came across an Instagram post I made 13 years ago. I had written about feeling alone and depressed. And you know what hurts the most? Realizing that, even back then, I already knew.

I have regrets. And yeah, I get lonely. When your kids are grown and living their own lives, it’s tough. But at least now, I can rest easy knowing that no one is controlling me. No one is draining me.

And that peace? It’s worth everything.