Tonight is one of those nights. Actually, the past few days have been rough. My divorce has been final for just over a month, and while I don’t miss him, I do miss the idea of what marriage was supposed to be. Having a life partner. Someone to share the little, everyday moments with—like what ridiculous thing happened at the grocery store or staring into my medicine bottle wondering if I took my medicine again.
Not too long ago, this house felt too small, even at over 4,000 square feet. There were kids running through every room, laughter echoing down the halls, and absolutely no privacy. Now, it’s just... quiet. Too quiet. The kind of silence that makes your thoughts louder than they should be. I don’t even cook anymore. Not for myself. Not for anyone.
My days used to be packed—school parties, sporting events, band concerts, family dinners. Now, I wake up every morning and just... wait. But for what? I don’t even know. Just to get through another day?
Financially, things are tight. My ex was terrible with money, and even though our big dreams—traveling more, buying a cabin, owning land—were probably never going to happen, at least they were something to hope for. Now, I’m broke and overwhelmed by all the things this house needs. The front deck alone will cost $2,000 to fix. The floors need to be redone. The house needs a fresh coat of paint. The yard looks like it belongs in a before photo. It all feels like a sinking ship, and I’m just standing here watching it go down.
I haven’t felt like I had a purpose in a long time. And now, without the chaos, the distractions, the plans for someday—I feel like I’m just waiting.
But waiting for what?
No comments:
Post a Comment